Dear God, Make Me Creative

I grew up loving art. I used to draw and write and do all sorts of other creativish things that creative type people did. Yes that included being viewed by others as odd and occasionally getting caught picking my nose in public, but I digress...

Time passed, I grew up, discovered beer, did a stint in the Navy, got married, had three amazingly beautiful children, got a job as a sysadmin, got old, and here I sit. Gone are the days of artistic creativity that fueled my young heart and mind. Now as I enter into the late summer/early autumn of life I find myself longing for those days when creativity came somewhat naturally and gave life a little more meaning.

The problem is I've forgotten how.

Somewhere between the rigid, rule-dominated structure of the US Navy, the rigid, rule-dominated structure of marriage (I'll pay for that one later I'm sure), and the rigid, rule-based structure of computer administration, I lost sight of the...not-rigid, non-rule-based structure (see what I mean?!?!) of creative thought and artistic interpretation.

I want it back. Bad.

There's something soul-freeing about being creative. It's not about creating something that everyone else loves and showers you with praise for. No it's about digging deep inside and finding that expressive part of yourself and channeling it outward in words, drawings, paintings, whatever. At least that's what all my unemployed artsy friends tell me. :\

I've spent the last few months reading design blogs on the Interwebs and the number one thing that I learned from all that time what something that I already knew...

I. Am. Not. Very. Creative.

God it's depressing to see the sheer unbridled talent of others stampeding like a herd of sweaty, wild stallions across the span of the Internet. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing to see. The talent of others is a sight to behold. The only problem is THATIWANTTOBETHATTALENTEDNOW!!!

In the end I know that you can't force creativity. It's not like changing oil in your car, or mowing your lawn, or searching the Internet for the recipe to the perfect Rainbow Cake (don't ask). You can do things to nurture your creativity like read design blogs and hang out with uber-cool creative types, but ultimately you can't just force it. Yes there are some people that are just naturally creative and from which creativity just flows...naturally, but those are people that I hate so I don't talk about them.

What have I *really* learned so far? Don't let your passion fade to the point where you can't find it again. Find what gives your soul meaning and don't let go of it. Even if it's just a hobby on weekends. Don't let yourself get buried under a mountain of spirit-sucking routine.

So my journey continues. As fleeting moments of creativity come I'll try and post them here. Not for you of course...for me. Okay maybe a little bit for you too.

kWh

P.S. Actually I love you naturally-creative types. Jealous rage love, but love nonetheless.

Captain's Log: Stardate 47634.44

This is painful. There are so many things in life where the first time you do it is awkward. Riding a bike, kissing a girl/boy, peeing your pants in school, bumping into your pastor at the strip club...the list goes on.

Add "writing your first blog post" to that list.

A blog is a strange thing. On one hand it's personal. A collection of your own musings, witticisms, diatribes. It can be a therapeutic and revealing way to explore your inner self. Okay that last part is pretty much crap but you get the point. On the other hand you can't help but want to provide entertainment value or some other redeeming qualities in your posts, otherwise it's basically publishing an online diary and let's face it, most of us just aren't interesting enough that the Internet would tune in daily to see what earth-shaking or hilarious adventures are consuming our lives.

So how do you start? It's like showing up at the worlds biggest party and wondering how to get people to notice that you just walked in the room ever so fashionably late but with oh so much to offer that everyone should be crapping their pants at the thought of not hearing every bloody word that you say! There are proven methods to reach this goal, but unfortunately for me they all involve a careful balance of beautiful, well-planned genetics, fame in television, or movies, and leaked sex tapes.

So the rest of us hideously deformed, socially invisible blogger wanna-be's are left to wallow in angst and frustration over how to launch our killer blog. Do we spend days crafting an epic post worthy of inclusion in the annals of Internet history? Do we type a simple "Yo. This is my blog. Check it...Yo." just to get it over with? Do we abandon our creatively written hopes entirely and resign ourselves to a life in sales or accounting or.....I.T.? I wish I knew the answer.

I guess all this is to say that like so many things, the first blog post is always the hardest. Everything afterwards is trivial by comparison. This blog will be like so many others. Personal and self-absorbed at times. Hopefully witty, informative, therapeutic and entertaining at others. I don't know which direction or how long it will go.

But at least I got my first post out of the way.

kWh