Sunday, September 11, 2011

Dear God, Make Me Creative

I grew up loving art. I used to draw and write and do all sorts of other creativish things that creative type people did. Yes that included being viewed by others as odd and occasionally getting caught picking my nose in public, but I digress...

Time passed, I grew up, discovered beer, did a stint in the Navy, got married, had three amazingly beautiful children, got a job as a sysadmin, got old, and here I sit. Gone are the days of artistic creativity that fueled my young heart and mind. Now as I enter into the late summer/early autumn of life I find myself longing for those days when creativity came somewhat naturally and gave life a little more meaning.

The problem is I've forgotten how.

Somewhere between the rigid, rule-dominated structure of the US Navy, the rigid, rule-dominated structure of marriage (I'll pay for that one later I'm sure), and the rigid, rule-based structure of computer administration, I lost sight of the...not-rigid, non-rule-based structure (see what I mean?!?!) of creative thought and artistic interpretation.

I want it back. Bad.

There's something soul-freeing about being creative. It's not about creating something that everyone else loves and showers you with praise for. No it's about digging deep inside and finding that expressive part of yourself and channeling it outward in words, drawings, paintings, whatever. At least that's what all my unemployed artsy friends tell me. :\

I've spent the last few months reading design blogs on the Interwebs and the number one thing that I learned from all that time what something that I already knew...

I. Am. Not. Very. Creative.

God it's depressing to see the sheer unbridled talent of others stampeding like a herd of sweaty, wild stallions across the span of the Internet. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing to see. The talent of others is a sight to behold. The only problem is THATIWANTTOBETHATTALENTEDNOW!!!

In the end I know that you can't force creativity. It's not like changing oil in your car, or mowing your lawn, or searching the Internet for the recipe to the perfect Rainbow Cake (don't ask). You can do things to nurture your creativity like read design blogs and hang out with uber-cool creative types, but ultimately you can't just force it. Yes there are some people that are just naturally creative and from which creativity just flows...naturally, but those are people that I hate so I don't talk about them.

What have I *really* learned so far? Don't let your passion fade to the point where you can't find it again. Find what gives your soul meaning and don't let go of it. Even if it's just a hobby on weekends. Don't let yourself get buried under a mountain of spirit-sucking routine.

So my journey continues. As fleeting moments of creativity come I'll try and post them here. Not for you of course...for me. Okay maybe a little bit for you too.


P.S. Actually I love you naturally-creative types. Jealous rage love, but love nonetheless.

1 comment:

  1. This is a great post. I think this is a feeling shared by many, I know I feel this way. You'd be surprised, sometimes those who are seemingly the most gifted are often the ones who are the hardest on themselves.